then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
