I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
