nutella sex= disaster
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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