nut hugger
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
