Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
