no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
