everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
