i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
