I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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