Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
