i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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