they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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