how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize