i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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