Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
