this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
