he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize