and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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