just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
