he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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