is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
