Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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