we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
You smell like a Billy Joel song
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Randomize
