you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
