dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
