East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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