Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
