I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
