So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
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