I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
