I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
