She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
