just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
