i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
