I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
