I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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