all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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