It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just found puke in my bra..
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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