Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Randomize
