I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
pray to the hookup gods
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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