Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
