So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
