Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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