you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize