it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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