Apparently you make a good broom.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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