I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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