I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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