dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Randomize
