Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
