I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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