U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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