Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
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