Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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