He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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