So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
