fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
