Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
