Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
