Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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