While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize