hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
