i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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