Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
