She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
