thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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