last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Mom said you looked used
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
